Textures #25


i used to write the most beautiful letters to myself…

letters from the city, words from the Stars

 

Aug 22, 2005 1:45 AM

  

i don’t like thinking i could break someone’s heart, can’t stand the thought of it, especially of those who i care about. bertrand russell once said that to love (in the broad sense of the word, could be any kind of what we know as love) someone spontaneously is the biggest source of happiness for a person. and i think he was quite right. i know it’s always better to feel corresponded, and to know that there are also people who love you, but one of the greatest experience i’ve ever had is when i realise i love someone, just looking at that person. it happens when you less expect it, it just comes to your mind “hey! i love him/her…” and suddenly a warm feeling runs through your body and warms your heart, and gets to your arms and legs, to your fingers and toes, which are normally cold, and makes you breathe deeply, as if you were savoring life in the air. and in that precise moment, you don’t really care whether that person loves you too, but you can only think about what you’re feeling at the moment. maybe later i think about it, and end up convinced that i’m stupid and that i give everything i have to give, but no one really cares about me, except my family (and they are very important, i know, but they’re not, and shouldn’t be, everything). so, i don’t like thinking i can cause pain to anybody. 

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